When we got pregnant we had been trying to conceive for 7 very long months. After having a few months straight of all negative OPK tests (meaning I wasn’t ovulating) I went in to my doctor to see what the heck was going on with my body. After some tests he concluded that it was likely I either have endometriosis or for some reason I just wasn’t ovulating which is pretty rare. We talked about Clomid and if that didn’t work we’d assume I did indeed have endometriosis, and that a second baby likely wouldn’t happen until Josh was out of school and we could afford surgery.
I was feeling so depressed, but I listened to my doctor and kept taking ovulation tests every day (he recommended waiting to take Clomid until we had been trying to conceive for a full year), and then one afternoon I randomly had a faint positive. The next day I tested again and it was an even bigger positive. It seemed too good to be true, and I still doubted my ability to conceive and tried forcing myself not to look up every early pregnancy sign out there.
With Madelyn the day after we conceived I had an awful migraine, and after that subsided, nausea settled in. I felt symptoms SO early so when I didn’t feel any different this time I felt pretty hopeless again. Later that week I called my friend Missy after I got home from the gym and I made myself an avocado sandwich, and then after eating it I still felt insanely hungry so I made another. Missy told me I had to finally be pregnant because ridiculous, unquenchable hunger was her first sign of pregnancy.
Once the standard 10-11 days after ovulation was here I took my first pregnancy test, there was a faint line but it was so light I thought it could have been a faulty test and I didn’t believe it. The next day I took another one which was a big old negative. I can be a bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to pregnancy tests so I kept taking one or two every day. They all either had no second line, or the line was so light it could almost be considered a negative. By the time my period was supposed to arrive I was out of pregnancy tests - go figure. I ordered more on Amazon and was waiting for them to arrive that day, I was to impatient I almost broke down and went to the grocery store.
Right before Josh got home from school my Amazon package arrived and I peed on the digital test, which take FOREVER to load. I decided to distract myself and unload the dishwasher; meanwhile Josh got home, went to the restroom, and apparently didn’t even look at the test on the counter. When he got out of the bathroom I went in there sheepishly, thinking if it had been positive then he would have been a little more exuberant coming out of the restroom. I picked it up and in all caps it said “PREGNANT”. I really couldn’t believe it. After months and months of negative tests, of wishing and hoping for this second baby, and of feeling like something was wrong with my own body deep inside me and I didn’t know what, it finally happened. There was finally a tiny poppy seed implanting inside me right then and there. The love for that little baby instantly washed over me, this was it.
I hid the test behind my back and went to question Josh, asking if he looked at the pregnancy test in the bathroom. He asked, “Which test?” I had saved all of my positive and negative tests on the bathroom counter, comparing each one to see if the lines got any darker or stayed the same (told you I'm a little obsessive compulsive). Turns out he didn’t even notice there was a new one in there and didn’t look at it. I proudly displayed it and said, “We’re pregnant!” Josh at first high-fived me, which I later teased him about – and then we hugged and jumped a little and cried a little more. Okay, mostly I cried a little.
We told Madelyn that there was a baby in my belly and she responded with, “No, there’s a baby in my belly.” She finally came around and started saying “There’s a baby sister in mommy’s tummy, and a baby brother in my tummy.” She was half right though – there is indeed a baby sister in my tummy! Looking back I’m glad we didn’t get pregnant right away, after months of wanting this baby it made my hyperemesis feel much more worth it this time. I got to a point of not caring how sick I got, I just wanted another baby, and when I did get really sick again, it didn’t even matter. Every IV poke, hospital visit, and vomiting until bile and blood came up was worth it.
My heart goes out to all of those people struggling with infertility. There was nothing more alienating, difficult and confusing than struggling to get pregnant. Knowing something is wrong inside your body but not knowing what, it makes you feel like a stranger to yourself. There is nothing worse than wanting a baby, and not being able to have one. Those 7 months were full of so many tears, so many heartbreaks, and so many questions. I cannot imagine suffering even longer. So to everyone who has struggled, and is still struggling with infertility, my heart is with you. You’re not alone, even though it feels like it, especially when everyone around you is getting pregnant or having a baby. My experience is minimal compared to so many others, and I know I got so lucky, but if anyone wants to talk about their infertility please don’t hesitate to email me. I’m a good listener, and I care.