second child fears

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I had a hard time connecting with Madelyn in utero, but the moment the midwife placed her on my chest I felt this deep and instant love. From the moment we officially met I felt like we’ve always known each other and were destined to find one another again. We’ve had such a close relationship that there are now two things I constantly worry about. The first is that the new baby and I won’t be as close as I am with Madelyn, that I wont have that same instant connection. And the second, is that the baby and I will be really close and Madelyn will feel left out or forgotten.

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Everyone I’ve talked to says they had the same fears before their second child came and it all turned out okay, but no matter what anyone says I still feel so unsure of how everything will play out. I think it’s the whole unknown, not knowing who this baby will be and not knowing what our lives will look like is terrifying. I constantly fear this baby will be as colicy and difficult as Madelyn was, that I won’t sleep through the night for another 18 months after she’s born. I worry that Madelyn will digress with her potty training again.

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I’m so scared that Madelyn will feel left out and forgotten. That she’ll act out in hopes of getting attention and I won’t respond in the best way because of how stressed/sleep deprived I’ll be. I don’t want to permanently damage my relationship with her; I want to stay as close and connected as we’ve always been. But there is a huge change coming and I know it won’t be the same and we may never be as close as we are now because my attention will be permanently divided.

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I mourn the fact that Madelyn won’t be the center of both our attention all the time. I fear that she won’t get enough attention; she’ll feel lonely, confused, and angry. I worry that their age gap will be too big and they won’t ever play together or be friends until they’re adults.

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I worry that because Madelyn was such an easy going toddler (until recently) that this baby will be extremely difficult, defiant, and a runner (plllllease don’t be a runner little baby!!!!). I struggle with the fact that I’ll have two very different children that will require different parenting and I’m afraid I won’t be able to change how I parent.

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I feel so much excitement for this baby and I feel excited for Madelyn to have a sister, but there is still so much fear and anxiety. The closer I get to my due date the more anxious I feel about how this will play out.

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This time around I feel much more confident in my ability to take care of a human/baby, the fears are so different with the first child verse the second child. I know my heart will grow and somehow it will all workout but man, the unknown is so very terrifying.

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